Prudent Americanization

          As soon as I realized that my future life will be spent in USA, I started to imagine how my lifestyle would change; more importantly how my thought process would change. It didn’t take me much time to realize a horrendous side of this migration, though, like most of the immigrants, I was allured by the charms initially.



Belonging to the profession where humanity comes first (or at least that’s how it is supposed to be), a thought occurred to me today “If I have over $50,000 waiting to be spent on my leisure activities/desires, how will I spend that money?” If I had that money right now while I am still in Pakistan and haven’t put my foot even once on the Obama land, my answer, without having second thoughts would be that two kids suffering from AML (acute myelogenous leukemia) could get the entire expenses of their BMT (bone marrow transplant) from this money, get relieved of this fatal disease forever and have a healthy future; their parents could be saved from the torture of witnessing their young one’s death in front of their eyes; a young one who doesn’t yet understand what living is actually like and is already on his way to the eternal abode.


I tell this to my husband and he puts a challenging question in front of me “Will you think the same way after earning thousands of dollars and living in the best city of the world?” and I could not say a confident ‘yes’ as much as I was tempted to say it.


All humans are made up of the same flash and bones but even if monozygotic twins, who have exactly same DNA, are raised in two different parts of the world, especially one of them being in a 3rd world country, I believe you will see the difference in almost every major aspect of their life. Such is the power of one’s surrounding and adversities/luxuries that an individual is exposed to. But again, no two different random individuals exposed to exactly similar environment grow up or evolve into same persons (with respect to their personalities/ attitude/ opinion about life).



Also, living in a 3rd world country or facing adversities does, in no way, warrant that the individual would be any more humane than a person who was born with a golden spoon. So is there a set of rules that one can follow which affirm his compassion and benevolence especially when he is at the top of his career and financial success is all that he sees? I picture myself standing at the Broadway and with one swipe of my visa card; I can buy anything and everything that I can imagine. So, what is the strongest factor that would stop me from undertaking that shopping spree, not with a frown on my face but with pride in my heart and a warm smile?


I figured out a long lasting formula that does three things for me: helps me save money AND helps keeping my humanity alive AND I get to pay back what my country has given me. The idea is to keep visiting my homeland every now and then, be it physically or virtually over the internet, have a look into the lives of the common man, search for the medical illness that’s on the rise at that time and do whatever I can to relieve people of it or keep in touch with the heads of major hospitals of the country to be aware of the exact needs of my country’s health sector. And then every time I am tempted to spend thousands of dollars over a luxurious car, cruise trip, a world tour, diamond set etc, I’d channel my money towards a kid who desperately needs a BMT, or a bunch of well-equipped ambulances or buying chemotherapeutic medicine for someone who cannot afford it, or donating something for people stricken with natural disasters. Difficult? Very. Doable? Absolutely.


I believe this is the only way that makes saving money worthwhile and keeps one motivated always; if you firmly believe your money can make a difference of life and death in someone else’s life, some random person’s life with whom the only link you have is that of humanity; then you cannot buy a diamond set or a 75 inch flat screen TV with home theatre system, an SUV, or a place in Palm Jumeirah. I have experienced this and so I can vouch for it; helping someone selflessly is addictive, a time comes when this is the only way that makes you happy. I just figured out that more than making you happy, it actually is a great money saver, inculcates patience like no other, makes you earn the kind of respect no money can buy and most importantly when you leave the world, you’d be richer than anyone ever was on the Forbes list.


United States of America opens up a chain of successes for me; it gives me a huge opportunity to do wonders with my skills and my talent, I am in that phase of life where I can take my life wherever I want to. And this is exactly the time when I can lose the focus, get up high in the sky, stack up a pile of dollars and luxuries but fall terribly with regards to respect, honour, love and kindness.Getting 'Americanized' in all the right aspects ONLY is a challenge every immigrant faces and even though I am excited about my new habitat, yet I fear the possibility of collateral damage.

Just out of my cocoon

        Growing up is all about revelations, learning after making mistakes; big and small. Sometimes other people's experiences do save you from making mistakes but that doesn't work at all times. Soon you realize that you're playing singles tennis, not doubles. In the first decade of our life, we think life is a playground and getting your favorite toy and getting to eat chocolates endlessly and getting a day off from school was the definition of happiness for us. In the next decade, we want to be 'cool' and be 'something' when we did not really know what that something was; but something that no one else was and no one else could be. And then comes the adulthood; a killer of all that we had been infused in the form of movies and novels in the past two decades. When the doctor asked me to sign a consent form for a high risk procedure for my father who was in a life-threatening condition, I knew I am an adult now. When I could not figure out what the next step should be while disagreeing or getting disappointed by my significant other, I knew I am an adult now. When I signed off my life, my future, my dreams, myself to someone forever, I knew I am an adult now.

It's funny how we are misled into adulthood, how we never know what we will face when we enter this era of life. All I know right now is that no matter how much you prepare for it, you can never anticipate the next move of life, you'd still be surprised unpleasantly quite often and proven wrong millions of times and you will still end up being in a situation where you'd have no idea what's going on and what to do about it. Even googling doesn't help then and you just have to get your ship out in the stormy sea and figure out on your own what should the direction of the sail be.

Even though I am a woman, but I'd hate to admit that women make life more complicated. The world of a man is so practical, calculated and straight edged but that of a woman is like a maze, made up of complex turns and fluctuations and comes with a warning of 'fragile - handle with care'. Even their dictionaries are different at times; when a woman says no she might mean yes, care in a man's dictionary might mean getting the most expensive gift for her but for a woman care would mean saying 'I love you' (and meaning it) just to make her feel loved, greeting her with a smile and "good morning" when she wakes up, giving her a hug when she needs it the most. Man goes into the problem solving mode while all a woman wants from him is to listen. He thinks money can solve all problems of a woman and it does for some but not for all and not at all times. He understands all the practical/material needs of her but the moment she opens up her box of emotions, he reacts as if she is too demanding, least understanding and mums her up by saying 'you need to change / you need to grow up'.

I have yet to figure out how to go about these differences without jeopardizing the relationship, many questions remain unanswered but one thing that I know now which I was never taught in school is:

"He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life away in fruitless efforts"